we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
