Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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