Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
