He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
