Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
