my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
