i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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