we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
