so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
