i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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