my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
