yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
