So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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