I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
