You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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