Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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