i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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