Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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