Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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