we made out on top of his cat.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
