Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
