I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
