Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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