mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
