allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
