It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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