I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
