What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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