Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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