i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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