I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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