i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
