Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
