Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
