do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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