Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
