I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
