I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize