i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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