omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
