he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
