So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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