Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
