It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
