Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
