Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
