when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He felt like a one man threesome
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
