I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
