So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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