hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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