Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
