what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
