Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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