So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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