He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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