Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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