i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
