I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Girls should come with a carfax report
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
