I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
