he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
