ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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