If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
