I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
