Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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