If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
