Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
