ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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