so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
