problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize