I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
