What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
